Before I begin this review, allow me to clear up two common misconceptions: First, Pong was not the first videogame ever made—that distinction goes to Super Mario Bros. 2; second, very little of what my fellow GameCola staff members say about me is true. In fact, this month we’ve decided to use the words “Mega Man boxers” as code so that other staff members know when we’re lying.

Let me preface my review with a disclaimer of sorts: There aren’t a lot of ways you can review Pong. Well, there are, but all the clever ones have already been taken.

I’ll kick off my review after I explain what I mean. Obviously, you can explain what the game is, how it works, whether it’s any fun—you know, a normal review.

If you tilt your head to the side, Pong looks a bit like a primitive Frogger.

However, Pong is so much simpler in every regard than almost any other game a person would normally review; a fair and effective review of Pong usually requires at least a small bit of historical background to put things in context.

Unfortunately—and I’ll get to my review momentarily—history is not my forte; even if I had the motivation to exhaustively research the history of Pong, (a) getting any of the facts wrong would make me look like a doofus; and (b) reviews that cover the historical background and cultural significance of Pong already exist, and they’re all better than anything I could hope to hammer out. So much for a normal review, then.

That’s why people have resorted to creative reviews of Pong: talking about Pong as though it’s an RPG; comparing Pong to a battle between Good and Evil; describing Pong as a metaphor for man’s desire to break free of things that restrain him; etc. Which, I guess, is what I need to resort to as well. Of course, if I choose the creative path, does that make my review uncreative because I’m taking a cue from other people to be creative? Augh, this is making my head hurt!

Now, before I start reviewing Pong, let me clarify that I’m not going to write some intricate story that anthropomorphizes the game, nor am I going to turn Pong into some kind of metaphor. Furthermore, I refuse to even mention any games that are clones of Pong or were inspired by Pong; this review is about the original only, and I will mention nothing else.

Pong inspired a slew of copycats, such as the sport of tennis.

At this time I would like to begin my review. Prior to commencing my review, however, I would ask that you keep an open mind and clear out any preconceptions you have about Pong. Anyone who has ever played a videogame undoubtedly has an idea of what Pong is, and I don’t want to confuse anyone if my explanation doesn’t match their expectations.

::ahem::

On the most basic level, Pong is all about hitting a square ball back and forth. On a more sophisticated level, Pong is all about hitting a square ball back and forth.

Thank you for reading my review.