Platform: Nintendo Entertainment System
Genre: Adventure
# of Players: 1
ESRB Rating: N/A
US Release: September 1991
Developer: Bethesda Softworks
Publisher: THQ

Why do people play video games?  I think the answer is a bit more profound then to simply kill some time.  I feel that people play games to escape from reality without resorting to drugs.  You can be a medieval warrior, an intergalactic space pilot, even a small child who throws candy at creatures and then crawls into their skin to use their body as a vehicle.  My point is, games let you take a roll you cannot play in your daily life.  If you can do it in life, what's the point of playing a game about it?

Which brings me to the game I am reviewing this month, Where's Waldo.  "Where's the Point?" is a bit more fitting.  If I wanted to find Waldo, I can go rooting around my closet for the book.  It's about 48 times more fun than the game, anyhow.  At least the book has pictures that you can actually see.  Where's Waldo the game is nothing more than a poorly drawn, incorrectly colored sprite of Waldo amongst a bunch of miniscule poorly drawn sprites of people.  When you click on Waldo, you proceed to the next crappy ass level.  This continues until you lose.  That sums it up pretty well.

Do you guys remember the entire trick to finding Waldo?  I'll give you a hint: If it's not someone with glasses, a red and white striped shirt, and blue pants, then it's not him.  In fact, that's the only way to know for sure whether or not the person in question is indeed the elusive Waldo.  Well, guess what? THQ doesn't feel that Waldo should have a consistent color scheme.  In some levels, his pants are brown.  In others, his entire outfit is green.  Hmm... well, if his outfit keeps changing, how the heck am I supposta find this guy?  Hey pal, your guess is as good as mine.  It's bad enough its a poorly drawn, unfunny version of the hit book series, but to further the error by defeating the entire mode of location, that's just downright retarded.

Here's another playing tip if you're actually thinking about giving this game a try:  Mute the TV.  During play it is eerily silent, but during the cutscenes while Waldo travels to the next area you are bombarded with the most annoying and brain piercing jingle you could ever imagine.  Hearing this tune just once will already ruin your chance of enjoying your life.  Another sucky thing about the game is the control.  Let's say, by some weird chance, you actually find the poorly drawn and incorrectly colored Waldo.  You still have to place the curser over top of him and hit the button.  Be not confused, it is a drop harder than would be expected.  The cursor is super sensitive.  For about 30 seconds after finding him, you are going to be passing back and forth over that striped bastard again and again before you can actually get it on top of his picture.  Needless to say it is a major pain in the ass.

Overall, this game sucks.  Replay holds up alright, only considering that the levels are randomly generated, providing for a new game every time you play.  The problem is the game sucks.  I don't care how many different levels you make, if the game sucks then the game sucks.  Bottom line.  Let me put it this way.  If you are going to get an NES game, get something you can't do better in a book.  If you want to actually enjoy the search for this dick, get the book.  It is funny, entertaining, and able to be seen with mortal vision.  All things that this game lacks.  Where's Waldo?  More like "Where's the shittiest game I've ever played in my entire life?".

 -- Neal Iannone {04-2003}

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